I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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