If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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