Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
3pm strippers are depressing
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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