Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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