Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
