Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
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Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize