Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
