Why are handjobs necessary in class?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
