peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
