I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
