jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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