bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
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In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
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I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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