He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
