I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
