they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
