You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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