People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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