I bet he comes in French.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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