I have demons in me.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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