I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
