walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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