Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize