i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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