gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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