I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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