Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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