you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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