when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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