Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
