You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
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just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
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It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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