I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
