Got a toothbrush?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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