You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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