I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize