So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
