my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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