The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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