I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
