remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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