FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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