He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
