ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just found a bag of teeth...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
