You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
