when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
