i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i think my cat just said my name.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
