i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
