no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
