dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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