He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
