yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
