Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
