So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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