oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
