I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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