She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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