Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
