fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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