where does the pee come out of this thing
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
