Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
