All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
