I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
