i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
