so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
