Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
