she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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