If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
