Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize