I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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