mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
