I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
