she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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