Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
