I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
