i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
